Suicide Survivors Day
10/09/16 05:33
I have blogged before about trying to discern, from several native Lakota speakers, the nuances of various words in that language. Takini can be translated “survivor.” It can also mean “barely surviving.” But it also can have a more triumphant interpretation: “Despite attempts to destroy us, we are still here.” Language is like that. Our human words express part of the realities of our lives, but often carry meanings that only some of us recognize. Two persons can use the same word and have different meanings.
In English we have chosen the word “survivor” for those who have lost a close friend or relative to suicide. Our Survivors of Suicide Support Group has been holding regular meetings at our church for two decades and there are still new members at nearly every meeting. The word “survivor” sometimes has other associations for people, however. I was told, recently, by someone that that person had assumed that Survivors of Suicide were people who had attempted suicide but somehow lived. I understand how the words can be confusing.
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. It always brings mixed feelings for me. Our Suicide Survivors Day event will run from 10 am to 2 pm at the church. There are some parts of the program to which I am looking forward. Most of all there are some people that I want to see. I guess that is the thing about being a survivor. Being seen means that you are still alive. That you have survived.
When it comes to suicide, that is no small feat. Having a close friend or family member die by suicide leaves those who are left behind at a higher risk for dying by suicide themselves. It is a cruel twist of fate, but those who have experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide are roughly twice as likely to die by suicide themselves than the general population. An event that cannot be controlled - a decision made by another person - puts these individuals in a place of higher risk.
It is painfully obvious to me this year. Last month the daughter of a man who died by suicide a couple of years ago herself died by suicide. She was a very vocal spokesperson for suicide prevention. She said things like, “I don’t know how he could have done this to us!” and “How could anyone do such a thing?” And now she is dead and there is a whole new cluster of survivors who are left behind trying to make sense out of a senseless act.
I wish she could come walking into the room. I know she will not.
Those of us who are involved in work with survivors of suicide have been educated in the importance of providing support and resources to those who have experienced the loss of a loved one. “Postvention is prevention” is a slogan that we often hear in training and continuing education events. Responding with support to a suicide event helps to prevent future suicides. We know the statistics in our minds.
But there are times when it seems that it is not working. It has been five years since we have seen a significant decrease in the number of suicides in our county. 2011 was a year in which we experienced a drop in the number of suicides, but the decrease did not last. There was a record number of deaths by suicide in our county in 2012. And every indicator leads us to believe that we will set a new record for the number of suicide deaths this year. It is a statistic that I wish we could change.It isn’t just our county. More people in the world die from suicide than by war and murder combined.
We used to hold our local survivors day in November. We would gather at the hospital to participate in an international teleconference and hear speakers talking about the latest research and efforts in suicide prevention. Those conferences were valuable, and I still make sure that I watch the conference each year. But we learned that the most important part of our gatherings was the process of being together - seeing the people who are surviving and listening to the stories of those who have survived for five or ten or more years. For those who are wondering how they will get through the next week, hearing the story of someone who has survived for a decade is an inspiration.
These days we have moved our event to September because it is the month that has been set aside as national suicide prevention month. Our goal has never been to clutter the lives of survivors with too many events or to dredge up painful feelings too frequently. Combining our survivors event with prevention events just made sense to us.
So I look forward to seeing people.
But I also know that there will be moments in the day which will be painful. We will have a service of remembrance. With pictures and candles and names spoken out loud we will remember those who have died. We will recall the joyful memories. We will give thanks for the lives that touched ours, even if that touch was all too brief. That is the thing about grief. Even though it is a painful process you never regret having know the person whose death you mourn. Despite the pain, the love remains.
Part of being a survivor is learning that you can endure pain. You can’t live your life focusing on avoiding pain at all costs. There are days when facing the pain is the best way to deal with it. Today is one of those days.
We never know how many people will participate. Some years we are surprised at the numbers. The feelings associated with grief are often unpredictable and those who are grieving often can’t predict whether or not they will be able to participate in an event. Although we encourage pre-registration for the event, we know that the number of people who say they are coming won’t match the number of people who do come. So there will be some surprises this year as there are every year.
Then, tomorrow evening, as National Suicide Prevention Week ends, I will stick close to my phone as I will be on call for the next seven days ready to respond if another suicide occurs.
And, as always the case, I will pray that the phone doesn’t ring.
In English we have chosen the word “survivor” for those who have lost a close friend or relative to suicide. Our Survivors of Suicide Support Group has been holding regular meetings at our church for two decades and there are still new members at nearly every meeting. The word “survivor” sometimes has other associations for people, however. I was told, recently, by someone that that person had assumed that Survivors of Suicide were people who had attempted suicide but somehow lived. I understand how the words can be confusing.
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. It always brings mixed feelings for me. Our Suicide Survivors Day event will run from 10 am to 2 pm at the church. There are some parts of the program to which I am looking forward. Most of all there are some people that I want to see. I guess that is the thing about being a survivor. Being seen means that you are still alive. That you have survived.
When it comes to suicide, that is no small feat. Having a close friend or family member die by suicide leaves those who are left behind at a higher risk for dying by suicide themselves. It is a cruel twist of fate, but those who have experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide are roughly twice as likely to die by suicide themselves than the general population. An event that cannot be controlled - a decision made by another person - puts these individuals in a place of higher risk.
It is painfully obvious to me this year. Last month the daughter of a man who died by suicide a couple of years ago herself died by suicide. She was a very vocal spokesperson for suicide prevention. She said things like, “I don’t know how he could have done this to us!” and “How could anyone do such a thing?” And now she is dead and there is a whole new cluster of survivors who are left behind trying to make sense out of a senseless act.
I wish she could come walking into the room. I know she will not.
Those of us who are involved in work with survivors of suicide have been educated in the importance of providing support and resources to those who have experienced the loss of a loved one. “Postvention is prevention” is a slogan that we often hear in training and continuing education events. Responding with support to a suicide event helps to prevent future suicides. We know the statistics in our minds.
But there are times when it seems that it is not working. It has been five years since we have seen a significant decrease in the number of suicides in our county. 2011 was a year in which we experienced a drop in the number of suicides, but the decrease did not last. There was a record number of deaths by suicide in our county in 2012. And every indicator leads us to believe that we will set a new record for the number of suicide deaths this year. It is a statistic that I wish we could change.It isn’t just our county. More people in the world die from suicide than by war and murder combined.
We used to hold our local survivors day in November. We would gather at the hospital to participate in an international teleconference and hear speakers talking about the latest research and efforts in suicide prevention. Those conferences were valuable, and I still make sure that I watch the conference each year. But we learned that the most important part of our gatherings was the process of being together - seeing the people who are surviving and listening to the stories of those who have survived for five or ten or more years. For those who are wondering how they will get through the next week, hearing the story of someone who has survived for a decade is an inspiration.
These days we have moved our event to September because it is the month that has been set aside as national suicide prevention month. Our goal has never been to clutter the lives of survivors with too many events or to dredge up painful feelings too frequently. Combining our survivors event with prevention events just made sense to us.
So I look forward to seeing people.
But I also know that there will be moments in the day which will be painful. We will have a service of remembrance. With pictures and candles and names spoken out loud we will remember those who have died. We will recall the joyful memories. We will give thanks for the lives that touched ours, even if that touch was all too brief. That is the thing about grief. Even though it is a painful process you never regret having know the person whose death you mourn. Despite the pain, the love remains.
Part of being a survivor is learning that you can endure pain. You can’t live your life focusing on avoiding pain at all costs. There are days when facing the pain is the best way to deal with it. Today is one of those days.
We never know how many people will participate. Some years we are surprised at the numbers. The feelings associated with grief are often unpredictable and those who are grieving often can’t predict whether or not they will be able to participate in an event. Although we encourage pre-registration for the event, we know that the number of people who say they are coming won’t match the number of people who do come. So there will be some surprises this year as there are every year.
Then, tomorrow evening, as National Suicide Prevention Week ends, I will stick close to my phone as I will be on call for the next seven days ready to respond if another suicide occurs.
And, as always the case, I will pray that the phone doesn’t ring.